I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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