Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
