so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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