i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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