my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
