so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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