Im at strip club and am horny
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
