I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
