if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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