I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
