He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
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