In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
