After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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