haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
