Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
