half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
