shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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