Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
