so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
