I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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