I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
