my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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