I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
