i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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