Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
