She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
