make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
why do cheetos always look like penises
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
