there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
