yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
