Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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