You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
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