The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
