you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
