ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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