Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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