I'm lost and stupid without you.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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