After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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