Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
