i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
