the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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