first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
