so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
