Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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