Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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