Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he shaved USA in his pubs
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
