oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
