My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
