I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
