Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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