you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
