I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
