my room smells like sperm. sweet.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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