why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
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