He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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