I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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