so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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